How to Stop Playing Small: Break the Cycle of Self-Sabotage and Finally Feel Confident
- Natalia Yusenis
- Sep 2
- 4 min read
You’re smart. You’re qualified. People even tell you how “together” you seem.
So why do you still feel stuck? Why do you second-guess yourself before speaking up, hesitate to go after bigger opportunities, or feel the need to downplay your success?
This isn’t about lacking skill or ambition. It’s about something deeper.
This blog is for you if you:
Avoid visibility or self-promotion
Constantly feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough”
Say yes to what’s safe instead of what you truly want
Let’s get to the root of what’s really keeping you small—and how to expand into the version of you that’s already ready to lead.
What It Really Means to ‘Play Small’
Playing small isn’t about being weak. It’s about survival.
It’s your nervous system’s way of protecting you from perceived risk. But what once kept you safe is now keeping you stuck.
Here’s what playing small might look like:
Not speaking up in meetings, even when you have valuable insight
Overthinking your emails, your tone, your performance
Downplaying your strengths in job interviews or on social media
Choosing the predictable path instead of the one that lights you up
A Client Story: “I Felt Like I Was Hiding in Plain Sight”
One of my clients, a talented project manager, came to me saying, “I know I’m good at what I do. But every time I’m offered a promotion, I shrink. I tell myself it’s not the right time. And honestly—I’m scared I’ll be exposed.”
What we uncovered together was a childhood belief that being visible meant being criticised. So, she avoided the spotlight—even though her goals lived inside it.
Once we worked on rewiring that subconscious fear, her confidence wasn’t just surface-level. It was embodied.
The Hidden Fears Behind Playing Small
Most people think fear is only about failing. But often, what we’re really afraid of is:
Being judged for doing it differently
Being rejected for showing up fully
Getting it wrong and losing our hard-earned credibility
There’s also the fear of success—and everything it brings:
More eyes on you
More responsibility
More chances for others to disagree with you
And here’s a subtle one: the fear that if you shine, others might feel dimmed by you.
“Who am I to take up space?” becomes the silent saboteur.
To break free, we need to go beneath the mindset work and into the emotional roots.
External resource: Brené Brown on vulnerability and shame
The Role of the Subconscious Mind in Keeping You Stuck
Let’s talk about the real driver of your patterns: your subconscious mind.
This is where beliefs like “I’m too much” or “I need to be perfect to be safe” get stored. And they don’t respond to logic. They respond to repetition, emotion, and felt safety.
Early Conditioning
Were you praised for being the “good girl” who didn’t cause a stir?
Were you taught that confidence is arrogance?
Did love feel conditional on achievement?
These messages become your inner compass, even if they point in the wrong direction.
5 Signs You’re Subconsciously Playing Small
You hold back your ideas unless they feel flawless.
You downplay your accomplishments or give credit away.
You hesitate to ask for more—whether it’s pay, support, or space.
You keep re-skilling instead of launching what you already know.
You don’t follow through on your bold ideas, waiting for the “perfect” moment.
These patterns aren’t proof of inadequacy. They’re proof of outdated internal programming.
How to Start Expanding into Your Potential
The solution isn’t to just “push through.” It’s to create internal safety so your nervous system and subconscious feel supported in expansion.
Here’s the method I use with my clients:
1. Awareness: Recognise the Cost of Playing Small
Get honest about what your current pattern is costing you—professionally, financially, and emotionally. Awareness is your first point of power.
2. Regulate: Use Breathwork to Move Through Fear
Your breath tells your body, “It’s safe to be seen.” Try this simple practice:
Inhale for 4
Hold for 2
Exhale for 6
Repeat for 2–3 minutes before a meeting, interview, or conversation
Internal link: Book Review of “Breath” by James Nestor
3. Rewire: Use Hypnotherapy to Reprogram Limiting Beliefs
Hypnotherapy works directly with the subconscious to:
Uncover the root cause of self-doubt
Reframe the original story
Anchor a new belief like “It’s safe to be fully expressed”
4. Repeat: Build Confidence Through Imperfect Action
True confidence isn’t built in your head. It’s built through evidence. Take small steps that feel just outside your comfort zone—and celebrate every single one.
You Were Meant for More—Now It’s Time to Own It
You don’t have to wait until you feel completely ready. Growth always comes with discomfort.
Remember: the world doesn’t need more perfect women. It needs more present ones.
So go ahead—raise your hand, pitch your idea, ask for what you want.
Start small, but start bold.
📅 Book a free clarity call or RTT session to break through what’s keeping you small and activate the version of you who’s already ready.
From Playing Small to Playing Brave — One Breath, One Belief, One Step at a Time
You don’t need to hustle your way into confidence.
You need:
A safe space to unlearn old beliefs
A strategy that supports nervous system safety
And a reminder that you already are everything you’re waiting to become
Let’s get to work.
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